For the past two days I’ve gone to post a “birthday week” graphic for the sock drive we are doing this month to raise socks for our Hallie’s Hope care packages and I just couldn’t find the words. Running a foundation in memory of your daughter is naturally so intertwined with our own personal emotions that sometimes it’s just really hard. Said another way, most days I can easily compartmentalize my roles of co-founder and Hallie’s Mom. The posts of people in their socks or the notes we get about what this simple package of socks has meant helps, because it definitely drives our purpose and Hallie’s legacy. And then there are times, like this week, like this milestone Sunday, that don’t fit the “I can compartmentalize this,” criteria. Old Bethany would’ve found a way. New Bethany gave up on that post for the time being and instead realizes there are just some days I can’t. My brain isn’t #halliestrong this week. My brain is a Mom who would give anything to have never have needed to have a Foundation like this. A mom that would trade her fridge full of notes from cancer patients for a fridge of awful 2 year old art. No white lies needed on the awful part, I can confidently say between me and Kevin, Hallie would’ve never been a Picasso in training. I never know how long these waves of grief last so maybe tomorrow I can create that post but today, yesterday, I am a mom that just wants to hold her kid. To see her at two years old & to see the fiery personality she would’ve undoubtedly had. A mom that still can’t quite make sense of the fact that I’ll never get the chance to make real birthday party invitations for Hallie, a mom that wants to kick and scream, over invitations, at how unfair that is. How unfair all of this is.
We started off this sock drive with the thought that this was for Hallie, the hashtag we’ve used has been #forhallie (makes me realize we are winning in the creativity department!) but I’m realizing now this was actually so much more for us, Hallie’s Mom & Dad. The very small sliver of hope we desire to send through #hallieshope is that same sliver of hope each of you have sent us, by filling our front porch with socks all month long. Championing this life of ours, this great loss, truly is a team effort and y’all are knocking it out of the park. Thank you. 🧡